To say the late Rabbi Adam Feldman made his mark as a rabbi, educator and friend would be an understatement.
More than 500 people whose lives Feldman touched, directly or indirectly, paid tribute to him with their presence at his funeral service at the Jewish Center of Princeton on Dec. 29.
Feldman, 55, who led the Jewish Center of Princeton for nearly 15 years, died suddenly while on a family vacation in Hawaii on Dec. 24.
Mourners filled the sanctuary and the social hall at the Jewish Center of Princeton on Nassau Street on a dreary morning. When the synagogue ran out of chairs, mourners stood along the walls. The funeral was live-streamed for those who could not attend.
Most mourners were dressed in suits and ties or dresses, but many wore baseball caps or jerseys emblazoned with the insignia of the Philadelphia Eagles, the Philadelphia 76ers or the Philadelphia Phillies. They were encouraged to do so by Feldman’s wife, Sara Bucholtz, to acknowledge her husband’s love of sports, and especially Philadelphia sports.
Rabbi Alan Lucas, who officiated at Feldman’s funeral and who leads Temple Beth Sholom in Roslyn Heights, Long Island, N.Y., said that for thousands of years, people have sought comfort in words.
But now, words have failed, said Lucas, who was a longtime friend and mentor to Feldman.
“‘Lord, who may stay in your tent? Who may dwell on your holy mountain? The one who lives with integrity, who does righteous deeds, and who speaks truth to himself,'” Lucas said, reciting the 15th Psalm. “‘The one who does not slander with his tongue, who does no evil to his neighbor. The one who does these things will stand firm forever.'”
The Rev. David Davis of the Nassau Presbyterian Church spoke on behalf of the Princeton Clergy Association and offered “thanks to Adam for being Adam.”
“Adam served in so many ways. I loved Adam for his devotion, his loyalty and his wisdom. I give thanks for having the gift of having Adam in my life,” Davis said.
Lucas recounted a story about a young boy and an old man. The boy asks the man why he lights a candle and the man replies that “I light it to banish the darkness and to bring light and warmth.”
When the boy says the candle burns out, the man nods and says the candle does burn out, but as it burns out, it burns brighter. It banishes darkness from the world and increases kindness and joy.
“Adam died on the second night of Hanukkah. When we light the second candle, we will think of him. Adam and Hanukkah are now forever entwined in our hearts,” Lucas said.
Humans are mortal, they are frail and it is hard to handle the tragedy of Feldman’s death, he said.
“It happened so fast. Adam’s life is over. There was so much opportunity. It is not right and it is not fair,” Lucas said.
The emotions experienced by Feldman’s family have slowly turned to appreciation for the gift of his life, Lucas said. His wife expressed a desire not to mourn the loss of Feldman, “but to celebrate what we had,” the rabbi said.
The best decision Feldman made was to marry Sara Bucholtz, because she brought out the best in him, Lucas said.
“Sara, you are the best thing that happened to Adam,” he said.
Lucas described the young Adam Feldman as spunky, adorable and a charmer. He could not compete with his older sisters academically – Feldman often said he peaked academically in first grade, according to Lucas – so he turned to sports.
Feldman had a love of Judaism from childhood, Lucas said. He began wearing a yarmulke in high school and was active in the United Synagogue Youth (USY) program. In fact, that is how the two men met.
Lucas was the rabbi at a synagogue in Ventnor and when the USY met there the boys who were participating stayed at the rabbi’s home. It was there that Feldman confided to Lucas that he wanted to become a rabbi.
Feldman followed a circuitous route to becoming a rabbi. He was involved in youth and teen activities at Camp Ramah in the Poconos and at Camp Ramah in the Berkshires. He was the adult program director and youth community director at the Highland Park Conservative Temple and Center.
Feldman eventually achieved his goal of becoming ordained as a rabbi. He became the associate rabbi and assistant rabbi at Temple Beth Sholom under Lucas and remained there until he accepted the position at the Princeton synagogue.
For 14 years, congregants at the Jewish Center of Princeton were the beneficiaries of Feldman’s wisdom, love and commitment, Lucas said, adding that Feldman loved to participate in life cycle events and interfaith work. He was a chaplain with the Princeton Police Department.
“He truly loved everything about being a rabbi. In an ever-changing world, the rabbi is your North Star,” Lucas said.
With Feldman’s death, “there are so many levels of loss,” he said, adding that the Jewish Center of Princeton has lost its rabbi, who stood at congregants’ side when couples married, when there was a religious conversion, and at the darkest moments of their lives.
He also recalled that during a bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah service, Feldman would lean over to the parents and the child and ask them to look around the sanctuary. He would tell them everyone had come to the service for them.
“I invite you to look around at all the people in this room,” Lucas said. “Adam, do you see all of these people? Do you see what you meant to them, how you touched their lives? Adam, take our love with you. Adam, your life is over, but your influence endures.”
