By Pam Hersh
A few weeks ago, I made up my mind to find out about “mindfulness.”
For years, friends and relatives, trying to get me decompress, de-stress, de-angst, and most importantly de-escalate my high blood pressure, urged me to seek out mindful expert Denise Bonnaig.
Twice a week, in an upstairs studio at Princeton Fitness and Wellness Center in Montgomery, Belle Mead resident Denise Bonnaig, a 500-hour Certified Baptiste Yoga Instructor and NYU Certified Executive and Life Coach, works her transformational magic on a lying-down-room only crowd of devotees.
Denise is a student of Vipassana, which means to see things as they really are. Gotama Buddha rediscovered one of India’s most ancient techniques of meditation, Vipassana, more than 2,500 years ago. It was considered to be a remedy for universal ills by eradicating mental impurities with the result being “highest happiness.”
“With the Vipassana technique, you let your mind rest for a long time, the dark begins to evaporate, the muddy waters (of your mind) become clear,” said Denise, who, in addition to being a certified Yoga instructor, is a successful immigration/employment attorney, commuting daily to her office in Tribeca, New York City; wife of a physician; mother of three grown children (two physicians, one attorney); a grandmother; and a survivor of breast cancer.
Denise, recalling her pre-meditation personality and mindset, painted a picture all too familiar to Pam Hersh. “Before embarking on my own self discovery, and the self inquiry process that led to my personal transformation, I was one of those “bring-it-on” types….
“I was going to box my way through life, no matter what. And to make sure that I got the proper training, I went to the gym daily, sometimes twice a day and took boxing classes, pumped iron, and ran 40 miles per week while my mind also sprinted through my to do list. There was no time to waste!
“Then there was the three-hour daily commute filled, as you can imagine, with more checklists and charts, and only lifting my head once in a while to cast a stern look on those people who sat idle letting life pass them by. Elbowing my way through trains and subways, I would get to my office and face my work with the same mantra: Come on girl, come on girl, you can do it, just keep punching, keep hitting, hit harder! That’s a girl!
“Late at night, as I lay down, I could see the next day and its load peering at me. It was all about teeth grinding, but I thought this was the only way to live,” said the native of Cameroon, who immigrated to the United States in 1983 from Paris with no ability to read, write, or speak English.
About 16 years ago, she concluded that she needed to take a different approach to life. “I never knew how to sit quietly – unlike my youngest child, who really liked to be quiet. And I always was forcing him to be not at rest, by always engaging in different activities, suggesting that he always be accomplishing something, such as reading the encyclopedia. It hit me that my approach was unsustainable…and that it was time to go in a different direction. I always knew that meditation was something I should pursue. After three months of instruction, I learned to be humble, patient, and at peace,” –while still being able to carry on with her life as a wife, mother and lawyer.
When she got a diagnosis of breast cancer, the meditation gave her the tools to cope without being angry. “From day one I never ever identified with the illness. The cancer did not own me. It co-existed with me, but never dominated me.”
Although the majority of her clients have no life threatening illnesses, some of her most impassioned fans talk about how her instruction has enabled them to live their lives to the fullest, in spite of a devastating diagnosis.
Isabella de la Houssaye, who has continued to compete worldwide in marathons while being treated for stage-four lung cancer, said the “Vipassana experience is transformational in that it teaches… a methodology for quieting the mind, managing stress and releasing negative emotions such as anger, frustration and fear.
“My only regret is that I didn’t do it when I was younger as it would have saved me a lot of suffering. I’m hoping all of my children will complete a Vipassana program this year.
“The world would be a better place if we taught Vipassana to our youth as it teaches a methodology for managing the stresses and complexities of life,” said Isabella, who has been a friend and fan of Denise’s for decades.
Denise agreed whole-heartedly with the need to teach young people meditation strategies. One of her professional goals as a Yoga instructor is “to be part of any initiative introducing yoga and meditation in high schools. I think humanity would benefit so much if teenagers received the gift of owning their mind-body connection, before going out into the world as young adults.”
My first attempt at one of Denise’s yoga classes was an utter failure. I was unable to relax and kept worrying about my inability to stand up from a lying down position.
In addition, I was unable to get outside of the reporter’s mindset – I was continually watching and observing, instead of experiencing.
But Denise, with the calm and patience of a Yoga guru, said she was confident she could transform even the most incorrigibly hyper-active and Tigger-the-Tiger type like yours truly.
